Friday, March 28, 2008

And then, it was gone

This is what your brain looks like when your wallet gets lifted out of your purse. In retrospect, I know when and where it happened. Retrospect is great but it doesn't make you feel any better. I had taken my MetroCard out to get into the subway...and put it back... On my way down on the escalator there was a man very intent on passing me on the single person escalator, and he did pass me while bumping into me about 3 times.

I had a wad of cash because I was going to get my hair cut and they only take cash....don't ask, don't tell or something like that. When I went to pay, there was no wallet, and since I knew I had it earlier, I knew it was G - O - N- E. Dammit!!

SO there is a drill.
  • Call the bank and AmEx and discover that you won't have any cards for 3 to 7 days.
  • Cancel the credit cards
  • Cancel the debit card
  • Try to remember the number of the one blank check and give up.
  • Realize that you are currently on 56th street, you live on 181st street and you have exactly $0 and 0 cents.
  • Count blocks....25 short blocks to a mile
  • 181 - 56 = 125
  • 25 short blocks to a mile - give or take - means a 5 mile hike.
  • You are not the Yarn Harlot. You KNOW that you aren't doing 5 miles in those shoes even if there isn't any snow on the ground.
  • Realize that you also owe your hairdresser the astronomical sum that was in the late lamented wallet to pay for the haircut.
  • And then there are the tips.
  • Call the bank again. They suggest you go to a branch and see if they will, out of the goodness of their hearts, give you some of your money since you can't prove who you are.
  • Go out and hunt up a bank.
  • Beg
  • Give them a business card to prove who you are.
  • It happens to be a MOO card with a picture of the GWB on it. Tell them that is where you live.
  • Remember your mother's maiden name, your office phone number - since you don't exactly have an office this is an exercise in creativity - and the town you were born in.
  • Assure them that you don't think that it is anywhere in your purse.
  • Offer to let THEM look in your purse for it.
  • Sign your name so they can compare it to the one on the screen.
  • They reluctantly agree to let you have some of your money.
  • For some reason, be overcome with humility and don't ask for very much money
  • Return and pay for the haircut and tip
  • Walk outside and kick yourself because you now have $10 and you have to spend $2 of that on the MTA.
  • Also in your wallet, your MetroCard with $32 left on it.
  • Realize how much humility sucks
  • Get a $2 MetroCard and go home.
  • Remember that your wallet contained --
  • Your ZipCar card
  • Your insurance card
  • Your Driver's License
  • Your Spring Studio Session card
  • Your NYPublic Library card

Realize that there is probably a bunch of other stuff in there that you can't remember. Think briefly about the Motor Vehicle Bureau. Sigh.

Think about trying to convince a local bank tomorrow that you are who you say you are with your expired Passport (don't ask.. there was that big crush last year and I just couldn't cope) so you can get a little more of your own money.

Drink a beer.

Sigh a lot.

And know that you know what that guy looked like, so he better be looking out for me.

1 comment:

Gill said...

Ack, Jordi....just catching up with the horror story of wht's happened.

Hope that all is being sorted/already sorted.

Will continue reading and hope that I get to hear some better news....

Gill x